Sometimes you feel isolated and like you're losing your intimacy because of the impact of IC on your sexual activity. Please don't let this be a barrier that assists with falling out of love. There are many ways to provoke an intimate relationship without the need to feel pain; they don't all have to be sexual favours. If you feel that connection beforehand, maybe you've slightly lost it, well once it's back, you may find your body eases up instead after some persistence.
Here are some little intimate ideas:
- Ensure to keep a physical element by touching. When you are comfortable, you're grounded and you're losing sight of your achievements; or you have anxiety, potentially have been with someone for some time, you often begin to stop touching each other unless it's to initiate sex. It can be inportant in maintaining intimacy, to keep the hugs, kisses, soppy stuff that involves contact, or even a stroke on the arm. These gestures indicate trust and intimacy, it sparks the return.
- Holding hands, cuddling. This is a sure way of maintaining intimacy throughout a relationship. Holding hands ignites the senses in a bond that you both feel; just embrace that there is a hand to hold of someone you love, that loves you back. Cuddling is so important, spoons don't have to lead to other cutlery. Plus some facts for you, cuddling releases Oxytocin; which is a great feel good hormone and booster of the immune system, perfect for an IC entourage!
- Plan date nights. If you feel like you need a little alone time to relight your intimacy; try and get yourself a babysitter and see what you can do as a date night. Maybe if you're suffering, you can order an online shop with some snacks (Ben & Jerries recommended!) and plan to watch a movie in bed, or have dinner, go for a walk or a picnic. Whatever feels comfortable for you and you're capable of at the time.
- Talk it all out, talk frequently and truthfully. It can be a tough journey to bottle up a thought or feeling. I can hardly contain myself. It's important in a relationship to ensure you are as open as you can be. You may feel like a burden, you may need advice in a way that your partner cannot provide. Either way, be honest and keep talking so that you don't feel isolated, so that you have a chance for another perspective and to get advice, to maintain your close relationship you must persist to help eachother by expression.
- Have "outercourse." You might not be having intercourse, but you can still enjoy orgasm. Explore other forms of stimulation. "Outercourse" is any form of sensual and sexual activity that does not involve the exchange of body fluids.
- Joining hobbies together. Sharing interests or a hobby that does not involve your usual family life presents opportunities of intimacy that may not have been explored since dating. There are so many to chose from. Perhaps something creative? I have a good adults colouring book that includes swear words - good present I think. Or you could try a TV series, something outdoorsy or athletic; maybe something more intellectual like reading or board and card games to stimulate your mind.
Feel free to add suggestions or comments of course.
Don't feel alone. Don't beat yourself up over the impact this condition has on you or the burden of telling anyone else, because this is not your fault. This isn't the end, it's a chapter!
The best partners are here